Happy Halloween bitches! If you’re like me, you know that Halloween is the one night of the year where you get to let loose and be a total hot mess with all of your friends, or alone, I don’t judge.
So I’ve put together a list of Do’s and Don’ts that’ll get you through what is sure to be a crazy night of tricks and treats!
Have fun and be safe… watch out for clowns.
1. Do wear the skimpiest outfit you can find
It’s Halloween! Come on, it’s the one night of the year where you can dress like a ho and choose whether or not you’re actually going to act like a ho! And I’m not just talking to the ladies here, guys let that freak flag fly… West Hollywood has been doing it for years.
2. Don’t be afraid to embrace your creepy side
For those of you that don’t have the body to whore it up (me) or would rather just not bare it all, get creative and wear something scary! There’s one thing we’ve got over those hot skanks that prance around in bikinis and banana hammocks… our “great personalities” a.k.a. we’re funny and/or creative and/or drunk. Be something that shows your creative side, whether it be scary or funny.
3. Do “pregame” it before you get to the bar/club
Let’s be real, who wants to pay all that money for drinks at the bar/club? You’re just going to throw it up anyways. Do remember though, you don’t want to pregame too hard otherwise you’re definitely NOT getting into the club! If you’re a true hot mess or can’t pregame it before your arrival, you’re going to want to pull the old “Water Bottle filled with Vodka” trick. Ladies, hide that shit in your purse and share with your ride or die bitches. Sharing is caring!
4. Don’t drink and drive
Sorry, but I had to do it. Make sure you get a DD or Uber or whatever, just don’t drink and drive. Can you imagine how stupid you’ll look in your mugshot wearing half smudged zombie makeup covered in blood?
5. DO dance the night away, even if your costume is melting off
Get your ghoulish ass on the dance floor and shake it like you’re filming The Blair Witch Project! But whatever you do, DO NOT TOUCH YOUR FACE! Trust me on this one.
6. DON’T be the drunkest of your friends, be the second drunkest
This is just common sense. Always make friends with a bigger hot mess, that way you never look as bad.
7. DO drink lots of water… LOTS
Trust me, the hang over is going to be murder… haha murder. The pun won’t even be funny anymore because it’ll be November when you wake up! Just make sure there’s really water in that water bottle!
8. DON’T be a destructive asshole
The one thing I hate about Halloween is how many douchebag teenagers (and adults) come out to ruin everyone else’s good time. Don’t be the loser that chucks pumpkins in the street or the dickhead that stalks and scares people. Don’t ruin Hlloween for everybody else just because you want to look cool. The fact is most people hate people like that. Do you want people to hate you? I’m starting to hate you and you haven’t even done anything yet!
9. DO watch out for clowns… you guys I’m serious, clowns are always bad news
They’re out there and they will find you.
10. DON’T and I repeat DO NOT listen to the witches’ song, even though it’s catchy as Hell!